"Kim, please. Tell your mom I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together"
"Well, Kris, I think everybody told you what you needed to do. I even had Lamar talk to you about what he does and you wouldn't listen"
"I told you what you gotta do to be a baller, bro"
"You gotta let your wife and her mother whip you up one-side the head and down the other. You do that, tough guy, keep something else on the side, and you've got it made. Then you just smile when they tell you to smile. It's that simple."
"If I had to do it all over again, Bro, I'd just take it. I mean, that Kate really made me feel like shit in front of everybody and the world and it was hard, but nothing compares to what's out there in the real world. I'm broke and you don't even even have a job. I'd suck up real fast if I were you"
"The problem is, you don't play your cards right with these bitches and you end up being like Michael Lohan"
"Yous really don't wanta do that, man. The whole world's laughin at that guy. I think yous just just do what Arnold suggested. This way you aren't beggin anyone for anything and they can squeeze your nuts as much as they want. Look at that poor prick, Michael, yous don't need that, man?"
"Poor guy was begging for a blow job and now he's squealing like a pig"
"Ya, I found myself begging for some, too, and that's when I found myself somethun else, but the papz...man, you gotta be careful, but you gotta keep that marriage, buddy. Suck up and suck up fast, before it's too late."
"Ya, well I just wished they had talked to me about it. I guess I'm gonna find out what's happening when I watch the Today Show when Kris tells everyone else in the world all about it. I'll do anything to keep my marriage. I don't want to be like Michael Lohan, though, but, I mean, I love Kim and she's my life. I guess I'm even willing to be a pussy like these two. Hell, what's one more castrated man in the family? I guess we can just add me to the picture."