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Here Comes the Bride…

Here comes the bride,
All dressed in white,
Sweetly, serenely in the soft
glowing light.
Lovely to see, marching to thee,
Sweet love united for
eternity.

"I really like being in love and I've been dreaming about my wedding ever since I was a little girl. I had everything planned down to the guest party favors, and I always knew I'd have 3 different dresses for my big day"

"So when I was finally asked to get married, I just got so caught up in all the hoopla...it was so much fun."

"In fact, my entire engagement year was spent just having fun shopping, and talking to the media and planning everything with my family. It was so much fun, it didn't it seem as if I even needed my groom, or his family's, help, or even their opinion. It was my dream wedding, after all"

"It was so much 'my' wedding, look" heehee "in this magazine cover I didn't even need my groom, and I have to say, I just loved that"

"But then, on my actual wedding day, I was feeling morose. I just didn't even know the man I was about to marry. For a minute, I thought about running away, but little Mason was so excited and he was already dressed. Millions of dollars had already been spent, the guests were seated. I didn't even know what I was doing, I was so excited that my entire wedding was paid for. I just thought, I'd better go with it."

"Mason was so adorable"

"Then I was walking down the aisle and that's when it hit me like a lead balloon...I don't even like this guy, not even a little bit. There, in front of me was I man I did not even know, or want to know. I knew for sure that I didn't love him. He was a kid really and his family just didn't even fit in with my family. I knew the moment I set foot on the white wedding runway that this man was not for me. But what was I to do? The cameras were rolling and I was being paid a lot of money to do this."

"So, I did what I do best...I played it to the cameras and I pretended to be happy and pretended to be in love and it really worked. People talked about my royal wedding for weeks and everyone just loved watching it on tv, and now that the airing of the wedding was done, I could really cash in. I just had to wait until the wedding aired to file for my divorce and that's why we lived in the hotel with my sister. I really didn't want to spend one minute alone with this guy."

"That's when I realized, for reals, that I'm a real, real actress. Now people will say I have real talent and now people will say I'm famous for being a really good actress. I mean, you thought my marriage was real, didn't you? See, I fooled you. I was just acting. I knew for a long time this wedding was a sham, but there was so much money involved and I was paid so well to play the part. I seemed like a natural. Talented, aren't I? NOW people can finally say I'm a real actress. Thanks, mom"

Your friend,

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4 comments on “Here Comes the Bride…

  1. I feel sorry for the poor naive Kris Humphries….he seems like such a nice boy and was totally scammed by the fame whores. Kimmy better hurry up and release a new sexy time tape…maybe this one with Bruce Jenner….gotta shock that audience!

    • Well, they had incredible timing, announce and file just before mom goes on her book tour…this way the different media outlets will want to interview her and she’ll get more exposure for her book. That mom is as brilliant a brand-creator as they come.

  2. Great writing Lady Brooks!! VERY well said & most likely EXACTLY what Kim has thought/felt & even said herself behind the scene!!
    Like I said, I blame Seacrest /E! for all the lies/bs as much as them, even more for giving them the platform & advertising/$$ for more & more shows.
    You hit the head on the nail with the divorce announcement in time for Kris’s book. I don’t believe a word they say, any of them! I find them all to be disgusting examples of society. The more they destroy the sanctity of family~marriage~honesty~the more $$ they make!? Nauseating!
    Makes me wonder about their Pastor~Church also!
    I also wonder how much Kris himself knew & went along with, and/or his family, and what he’s been promised in all of this, especially since he’s helped launch Kims acting career Kris’s book & the families new line at Sears as well as the girls being gone to Australia? with their new line of purses.
    I feel bad for him, but I don’t. How much of some of the nasty things he’s said, even to Kim are him acting like an overgrown 12 yr old or like the rest of the show, is this written for him?? Did you ever notice how rough he was with Kim? He’d throw her around like a rag doll!
    I just find it hard to believe that not anyone around kris & kim (especially him & his family, close friends) NOT see ANY of this scam for what it was? Are there that many brain dead people in their lives/aro
    I saw it from day 1..Kim was never in love with Kris. Everything about this couple was awkward and planned. I never saw Kim look at him like Reggie..& there’s no doubt in my mind, she’s still madly in love with Reggie & would marry him today if he’d have her..& i guarantee, if she had married him instead, do you think she’d divorce Reggie ..AT ALL??
    Well, Kim had her fairy tail wedding..made fools out of all the “close friends” that attended & gave expensive gifts. WHY would she not return them?? So what if she’s donating some money to a charity…are you telling me she’s giving household items to the less fortunate/homeless or selling her gifts to get the cash?? NO, she’s keeping everything no doubt & too shut people up she’ll toss some cash to a charity..
    Well, no doubt they must be right In God’s eyes no matter what we see as they continue to receive many blessings & more $$ than any of them will ever use in this life and as long as they know they’re blessed & must be right in God’s eyes its all that matters.
    Whats everyone saying on twitter so far about this? I’ve been missing out a lot ~busy with g/k’s, packing to move, etc….just curious as to what most think.
    Lady, you should share every line you wrote on twitter over & over for them to see..or do they have a blog or other area’s you can share this?? I LOVE it, & would enjoy knowing they’ve seen it & reaction!

    • First, let’s address the issue of the Kardashian’s pastor as they haven’t one. The pastor who married them was from Kris’ side. Secondly, I do wish more people read the Parodies as I get relatively few readers. Having said that, I wouldn’t go out and seek out the Kardashians, just as I wouldn’t seek out Jill Zarin to read my stuff. If they come to my site, ok, but I’m not a stalker…just a silly blogger and they have far better things to do than read what the thousands of bloggers out there have to say…well, everyone except Jill Zarin, who’s quite hate blogger obsessed. hehe. Right now, not even an 8th of my regular blog followers are reading the parodies, so I’m thinking they’re not popular, but if my Parodies can be the cause one just one woman peeing in her panties…wow…what a reward!

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