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A Very Public Gold-Digging Family, the Kardashians

"I just don't know why everyone's so obsessed with me giving Kris back the $2 million dollar, 20 carat engagement ring he gave me. It's legally mine, isn't it?"

"I don't understand it either, Kim. As I've said, it was a gift and if Kris really wants it back, then he's an Indian Giver"

"Only an uneducated piece of poor white trash would ever say such a thing, but everyone knows that the Kardashians are nothing, if they're not that. Don't bring us into your grand theft. You don't want to give the ring back, then own it, but don't think you can blame us Indians for your theft. What you're doing is greedy and self-centered."

"Well, I didn't mean to get the Indians involved, but I still think the ring was a gift and that Kris would be an Indian Giver to want it back"

"What we're saying, Kris, is that you're a gold-diggin whore of a family and you're trying to pass your greed off on us. Obviously, we're not gonna scalp you, but you will live to regret that comment."

"Yeah, mom. You're really ruining our brand with this greed. I don't want the ring because I don't want anyone to think I'm a gold-digging whore. Can't I just give it back?"

"Don't you dare argue with me in public, Kim. That's what's going to cost us our brand. Kris, you don't really want that ring back, do you?"

"Well, I have to admit that initially I wasn't going to ask for it back, but now that you mention it...I was thinking that if you don't give it back I could just make up the money I lost on it by writing my own tell-all book about what really goes on inside the Kardashian machine and how you're all laughing your way to the bank. None of you have got a stitch of talent or class and you are, every single one of you...gold-digging whores. So, go ahead, keep the ring. I'll just write the book"

"Kim, go ahead and give the Indian Giver back his ring. The bastard."

"Score, dude. It looks like you know their hot button, don't you?!! They are a bunch of gold-digging fame whores and at least you'll get your ring back. If I were you I'd get the ring back AND write the book...just don't sign anything that will give away your rights to do that, dude."

"Kris, you'll be happy to know that I'm gonna be on the Today Show with Matt Lauer on Monday. If I don't have that ring in my hands by then, I'm gonna talk."

Your friend,

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