Jill Zarin Characters

Here you will find, not a huge cast of characters, but one crazy, out-of-control, narcissist trying to hold on to those 15 minutes of fame.  She doesn’t want to have to go back and work in her husband’s rat-trap of a rag store.  We don’t blame her, we heard it’s really quite miserable there with doggy poopoo everywhere you look.  We heard her girdle line is doing very poorly and we couldn’t be more delighted.

We’re mostly done with Jill, but we just know she’ll keep trying, and when she does, we’ll kick her down a few notches.  We look at it as our job here.

This is Jill when she's trying to make nice. She does this when she's trying to get some real celebrity to go to lunch with her. We first learned about her trying to make nicey with real celebs through her twittering...she begs, they ignore. It's really been quite humorous to watch and we hope she keeps this up.

This is Jillsy thinking that she's pulled one over on us...see her little wink? We often see this when she's trying to save face or, most recently, when she pretended to be Susan Saunders so she could write a good review for her lousy book (which always gets really bad reviews), She never successfully pulls anything over on us, but God bless her little heart for trying.

You just gotta love this. You'll see this picture in the parody when Jill has been pretty badly beaten up and she needs some love. Her big rat thinks she can do no wrong. Don't get us wrong...we love little rats, just not when they're licking Jill Zarin's nasal excrement. Ewww. When she needs another kind of love, she just does this (pictured below) and Bobby does his secret female pounce. Ewww, again. (we have heard he has a secret male pounce, but we don't know for sure)

Why, Jill, you miserable slut! Alas, when Jill holds this sign up, it's Bobby's cue that she has big plans...oh, but wait...when we see this picture in the Parody, it means that Jill is out whoring again...product whoring, that is. What will she come up with next, for God's sake?

When we see this picture in the Parody, it means that Jill's spinning another story. These stories she comes up with...well, let's just say she's cookoo for coco puffs.

Instead of "saving face", Jill Zarin often gets caught with egg on her face. It means she's been busted in some scheme...again. Dummy. We especially love it when we see this picture in the Parody. Heehee

This is a shot of Jill you'll see quite often. Here, it means...still trying to be relevant. She'll try many different tactics and even, we suspect, writing another book about the Real Housewives "Truths", trying to make herself a Real Housewives analyst and trying to get on TV to make comments on episodes. In fact, we think she wants Bravo Andy's job. Oy vey! Go home and shut up. Nobody likes you anymore.

When Jill is really feeling down she is sure to surround herself with some real characters, among whom she'll be able to stand out from the crowd. We don't know when we'll actually get to use it in the Parody, but we'll find a way because it's just too funny for words.

Oh you whore! When you see this in the Parody it means someone should go write another really bad review...just to get her goat. It's gotta be fun, heh?

Of course, how could we have a Parody about Jill Zarin without including the person she wishes she could most be...her old pal Bethenny. We intentionally drew this pic of Bethenny holding a glass of her SkinnyGirl cocktail, just to make Jill even more jealous. (have we said we really like to get her goat? This picture, alone, should do it every time!) p.s. we think Jill probably sends tweets to Bethenny for lunch, too, but we're certain she's one of those real celebs who doesn't respond. Tee hee

Cat O'mmanney would have loved to have taken Jill down. Well, she's here and you'll see her often, just for the fun of it. Snarky!

Bravo Andy is famous for pretending to care about Jill Zarin, but he really disdained her and makes nicey-nice because he wanted her to believe she could stay on with the network...even suggesting a show with Patti Stanger. He was just kidding. When we see him in the Parody...he's secretly laughing at her.

Lady Brooks, the snarky blogger and the creator of the Lady Brooks Parody, is tired of Jill Zarin and won't give Jill the attention she wants. She'll give her some negative attention, though, just for old time's sake.

Now that you know the many faces of Jill Zarin, and a couple of her arch enemies (her perception), we’ll be able to start our snarky parodies, but don’t expect it often because we’re all really so done with her.  We are hoping that Jill will tweet us for lunch sometime soon, though (so we can ignore her, too).

Laugh, laugh.

Your friend,

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